Yesterday, Paris Hilton, the most famous-for-being-famous famous person, released "My BFF," which has absolutely nothing at all to do with her reality show that debuted last night on MTV, "Paris Hilton's My New BFF." The dialogue around the office about the new track went something like this:
AUGUST: So, about that new Paris Hilton single.
MARGARET: One exists?
AUGUST: Indeed, and it's exactly what you think it is.
MARGARET: Like mainlining cotton candy and Valtrex?
AUGUST: Yes, while a single grape-sized mascara tear besplotches your Louboutins.
But beyond that, what could we say? Long ago, we held out hope that Paris Hilton would make the celebrity-industrial complex implode by releasing a fantastic, on-the-surface-brainless-but-secretly-brainy pop album. That didn't happen. And now she's churned out this thing, which she told Reuters she wrote with her boyfriend Benji Madden of Good Charlotte but it doesn't sound like him and it doesn't sound like her. Instead, it's just anonymous. No flash, no sass. Not even a decent hook.
Paris, we're still holding out hope you can cash in on that breathlessly vacant expression you've perfected for the camera. I admire that look, seriously -- you've got it down to a science. But if your second album doesn't sound like a unicorn sparkle forest as dreamed by Jean Baudrillard, then sorry, but TTYN.
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